Ok. I just suffered an event that could actually have me throwing a royal temper tantrum. I had written this entire blog post out, a good hour of work might I add, just to have it vanish on me when I went to save it. Ok... so what do I do? I laugh, shake my head, sigh and begin again, hoping that I can not only write it as well as I did initially, but perhaps better! IRONY!
As an empath, I am always dealing with emotions. I hate crowds, even grocery shopping can be a real effort at times. Thankfully the season of crowded stores, sidewalks, roads and coffee shops is now over for another year and it is somewhat safe to go outside. The reason I dislike crowds - I pick up on their emotions if I am not prepared. Maybe someday I will go into that in further detail, but for now, all I can say is being an empath is HELL for the most part. So much negativity and pain out there!
Anyhow, I was looking through some things last night and ran across the above statement about emotional control. That set my brain to working at the problem from a slightly different angle. Do we actually allow others to control our emotional responses, or is it all us? I truly think it is ALL US! A person can evoke a response from you, but that response is yours and not their fault, so they aren’t controlling…
I decided to go googling and was honestly disgusted with a lot of the information that I found. Did you know that by following six simple steps you can control your emotional rationality in any situation? I call BULLSHIT! Here is why...
1. Don't react right away.
No, never ever react right away. Stuff those emotions away nice and tight. This leads to ulcers, insomnia, eating disorders, etc.
2. Ask for divine guidance.
Oh, definitely NOT! It’s not that I don't believe in the Divine, however, have you ever known the answer to be immediate, if it arrives at all?
3. Find a healthy outlet.
Finally, a constructive idea! Yes, find a healthy outlet for all that pent up emotion you've been stuffing so you don't react right away. Seriously, this is a great way to deal with any emotions you can be feeling. Anger, joy, sorrow... creativity will fun the gamut with you. Or, take a little advice from Olivia Newton John and "Get Physical," at the gym, at home, just do something great for you! Meditation is one of the best methods of outleting!
4. See the bigger picture.
Once again, this isn't always a possible.
5. Replace your thoughts.
The time for that is long before, not during.
6. Forgive your emotional triggers.
This might make you feel better and it could be constructive, BUT it won’t change how you FEEL.
There are things that you can do to help yourself be able to control the extent of your emotion. But seriously, do you want to stifle them? Or control everything that you feel? We feel for a reason. We feel because we are human. However, emotional extremes don't have to rule your world...
Thich Nhat Hanh, a Bhuddist monk, has a great deal to say about emotions/feelings. He sees the functions of meditation to calm and, ultimately, to stop so that we can look deeply. The two aspects of meditation are shamatha ('stopping') and vipashyana ('looking deeply'). Of course, we cannot look deeply until we are still. This DOES NOT mean suppressing emotion. Suppression suggests energy spent, and in this case wasted and very damaging. In truth, emotions are really the product of thoughts and bodily events.
The 5 Stages for Calming, according to Thich Nhat Hanh, also contain the fundamentals of such learned psychologists as Freud, Assagioli, and numerous others.
1. Recognition.
2. Acceptance.
3. Embracing (this is the one most ignored and forgotten).
4. Looking deeply.
5. Insight.
"Calming allows us to rest, and resting is a precondition for healing." - Thich Nhat Hanh
This is MY list:
Be aware of your emotions. Validate them.
Understand your emotions. WHY are you feeling this way?
Be aware of your triggers. Look for the deeper WHY. The core….
Embrace the emotion and the core reason for it. Accept them.
Change your viewpoint! Look at it differently. Insight brings Calm.
Choose how you want to react. OWN YOUR EMOTIONS!
Journal your emotion/s. Write it down. Draw it.
Take responsibility for your emotions. OWN THEM!
Create a calming mantra. (One I’ve heard recently is: ‘Relax, release, ease’).
Learn to listen to your emotions, to identify and understand them, and then choose them or the level or reaction. This is a life change, and will take some effort on your part. However, it is worth the effort for the benefits. You will feel far more empowered and in control of your life. You will also find yourself happier and even healthier as you won’t be as stressed out all of the time.
So, just get a grip and don't let things get to you so much. Like me and this article... or rush hour traffic. You know it's a given everyday, so turn up the radio and sing along, look at the beauty in the world around you while you are sitting there. Learn to choose positives over negatives when there is an option. There won't always be one, I'm afraid, but you can make your life better with just that effort.
***There is the MEDICAL FACT that UNCONTROLLED EMOTIONS are a symptom/sign of one of the worst ailments in the world - DEPRESSION! *** Due to this you might want to look at the mental state you are in before you go screwing with your emotional responses. Seriously. Depression sucks, I know!
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